Friendship Is So Weird You Pick a Human

1. They are not happy for your accomplishments.

When you mention your success, your friend's face goes automatically sour. She may wait similar she's eaten an unabridged lemon as she struggles to say congratulations. Or you receive a totally blank facial expression and no response at all, just a stare. She may even try to "i-upwardly" you by mentioning her accomplishments quickly before you've even finished your sentence. This is the type of friend who is never happy for anything yous do, and is secretly hoping yous'll neglect so that she doesn't have to feel so badly about her own life. This is toxic because real friends celebrate each other's accomplishments, and fifty-fifty if at that place is any jealousy involved, they volition put it aside in order to congratulate their friends. Instead of feeling despair at their friends' accomplishments, truthful friends will exist secure in their own accomplishments, and thus feel celebratory, inspired, and motivated to ameliorate themselves when they hear most the accomplishments of others.

2. They covertly put you lot down.

If yous're happy and cheerful for whatever reason, toxic friends observe ways to rain on your parade by introducing little storms and tempests of invalidation, belittlement, and degradation. These are often disguised as "helpful" or "honest" comments that actually have no value at all except to make yous feel less proud of yourself. They say things similar, "Oh, anyone could've washed that," when you mention something you accomplished or, "That'southward not a real major," when yous mention your bookish concentration. They also seem sadistically happy when you're failing or when you're going through a hard time. This is a sign that something is seriously wrong with them. Real friends don't attempt to criticize or put down people just for the pleasure of making someone seem small. Only junior people practise that in order to elevate themselves. If you tin can't be your greatest, authentic self around your friends without being constantly demeaned by them, and then they're not your true friends. They're malignant bullies and narcissists. Get information technology straight and know the deviation.

three. They emotionally exhaust you lot.

Have y'all ever had this experience? You're on the phone with a friend. You ask your friend how she'due south doing, and discover yourself being "talked at" rather than "talked to" for hours on end — and this consistently seems to happen all the time. As you lot finally get your hazard to speak, your friend suddenly needs to get off the phone because she is now so tired from all the "talking."

Sure, we all accept to vent sometimes and talk almost ourselves. Certain situations warrant this type of behavior — such equally a breakup, a loss in the family, or any other traumatic effect. However, if this happens quite often and you rarely become a chance to have a reciprocal conversation with a person, yous're interim as their audience to a monologue and not as a friend. Yous also deserve to be listened to and deserve to talk about whatever problems in your life. Don't let these toxic friends convince you otherwise. Stand for yourself and tell them this is an issue. If they proceed to do this despite yous establishing that boundary, information technology'south time to forfeit the friendship birthday.

These toxic friends drain you and your ability to engage in cocky-care because they are emotional vampires whose but focus is them, their lives, their wants and needs. You lot don't be, or if you do, you but be in relation to them. For example, if a friend hears your traumatic story and uses information technology to plow the conversation back to her life constantly, this is a ruddy flag for narcissism, so be conscientious. Real friends would listen to your story and brand certain to give you feedback that is helpful to you before turning the chat back to them. Stay away from any people with whom y'all don't feel there is an equal, reciprocal exchange of conversation, validation, pity, and respect.

iv. They are there for your good times, and never for the bad.

I mentioned in #i that yous should stay abroad from people who don't gloat your accomplishments. One caveat though: lookout out for toxic friends who are only there to piggyback on your success. These friends only appear when you're doing very well, and rarely show up when you demand them during hardships. They use your presence to acquaintance themselves with you, for the sole purpose of seeming more of import via affiliation to your success. Or they bask your presence only when yous're in a expert mood and they need y'all. Otherwise, when you have a health scare, or someone in your family has an accident, they are nowhere to exist found. Existent friends help each other through tough times and are in that location for each other even when times are challenging.

5. They're non emotionally responsive, validating, or helpful.

What is the point of having friends if they can't even reply to your emotions? If you notice yourself dealing with a friend whom you can have groovy intellectual conversations with, but only hear the sounds of crickets when yous tell them you've had a bad day or y'all simply had a breakup, this friendship is a no-become. Experience costless to proceed those type of people for your LinkedIn, but non for your existent life crises. At well-nigh, they are a professional or academic connection because all they can do is talk about things related to the listen but not the heart. Sure, some situations lead to a loss for words, but friends should be capable of bones emotional support, even if it's a hug and the words, "I am here for you." If your friend happens to be very emotionally invalidating, constantly telling you to "get over it" or gets angry at you expressing your emotions, go out them forever and don't give them admission to your life in any way. They don't deserve to be your friend. Real friends validate each other's emotions while still empowering each other's personal growth.

6. They don't stand up for yous.

When an outsider or mutual friend makes a snide or insulting comment about yous or does something hostile or horrific to yous correct in front of these toxic friends, you rarely see these toxic friends jumping to the rescue. They don't abet on your behalf even if they are the only ones who can. They don't support yous when you most need it. Real friends come up to each others' aid; they don't have to "selection sides" in order to signal out wrongdoing and consider your feelings. And also, when did nosotros become then resistant to "picking sides"? Why shouldn't friends advocate for victims or call out inappropriate beliefs when they see information technology? These toxic friends will more probable either stay silent or even participate in the belittling behavior on your behalf. That's when y'all know it's time to stop making excuses and stop defending people who won't defend you.

7. Their ego is bigger than their bond to you and they effort to put a shade on your lite.

These types of friends are extremely narcissistic, jealous and they will practise whatsoever it takes to maintain their delusion of grandeur. For example, they might refuse to compliment y'all when you're all dressed up, merely compliment someone next to you lot who is wearing sweats and a t-shirt. They might put up pictures of themselves on social media with other friends, but avoid putting upwardly pictures of y'all and them together because they think yous outshine them in some manner. Or they may hide or belittle your accomplishments to others while they brag about their own. These are superficial friends who can't stand having someone outsmart them or be prettier than them. Real friends appreciate each other's unique beauty, intelligence and charisma. They don't effort to obscure your light in the darkness just because of their own place in the shade.

8. They but communicate through the screen.

For this, I am referring only to "offline" friends who you have met face-to-face up with. I know at that place are many online friendships that are congenital through supportive forums and I don't mean to diminish the value of those. Nonetheless, for friendships that developed face-to-face and for friends who live inside a reasonable distance of each other, there's no reason that both people in the friendship would make an attempt to run across each other in real life occasionally. You lot know, pace away from the messenger and Facebook in one case in a while to actually make a face-to-face connection when possible. Be very wary of whatsoever friends who don't have time to see you, simply seem to take all the time in the world to be wrapped up in their new boyfriend 24/seven.

These are not your existent friends. These are buddies constantly talking to you through a screen, and electronic advice is ofttimes a cop-out for emotionally unavailable people. If these friends emotionally frazzle y'all also, they take no place in your real life or even on your messenger list. You might as well be engaging with the wall, although the wall will probably be more sympathetic and won't hurt your feelings. Recall of information technology this way: you lot're wasting energy on these toxic people by constantly engaging with them online considering they won't grace you with their presence offline. They have shown y'all they don't have time to do a simple meet and greet past taking a stride outside, so why should yous hurt your eyes or strain your fingers for them? Existent friends brand the try to come across in person; emotional vampires, like real vampires, tin't stand the daylight and prefer the light of the calculator screen.

9. They're also busy for everything and annihilation.

Related to #8, if your friend is constantly always likewise busy to meet you or brand whatever type of contact, especially in the midst of a crisis, run, don't walk abroad from the friendship. Yes, people have jobs, lives, and relationships to deal with. Nobody can always be there for you lot every time yous need it. That'due south all fine and dandy, merely if a friend rarely fifty-fifty follows up on how y'all're doing when yous really need them and plays this "too busy" game consistently, this friend needs to get the door slammed in his or her face the next fourth dimension he or she comes around looking for whatsoever attention.

Besides, thank you to technological advancement, social media has made it quite easy to assess whether these friends are truly "busy" or truly bullshitting. If you see your friend challenge to be likewise busy to telephone call yous during a crisis but posting statuses or liking people's posts on social media all the fourth dimension, you take farther confirmation that this friend is not a real ane. Thanks, Facebook and Twitter for the caput's up!

ten. Betrayal, breaking boundaries and disrespect.

I saved this for last but it's the nigh of import. If your friend disrespects you by: being flaky, multiple cancellations, chasing afterwards or flirting with your meaning other, calling you names, cursing at you, bullying you, coercing you, making you cry during an already rough time by being insensitive, pressuring you to do something, gossiping near you, or treating you with anything less than respect or consideration — it's time to take your fabled self out the door. There will be plenty of people in the world who won't brand you feel that way, so why not save your energy and invest in something that will accept a positive return?

Life is manner too short to waste matter our energy on toxic people, whether they be friends or romantic partners. Learn to recognize these signs and you will pave a better path to a healthier life, better support organisation, and more meaningful as well as authentic relationships. One time you've experienced an authentic friendship with dear, care, compassion and respect, I guarantee you'll never desire to go back to 1 with the absence of these qualities. Thought Catalog Logo Mark